Procrastination

I experienced kind of a strange day yesterday emotionally-a bit low energy all round with lots of inner dialog going on (some of which was very productive around pinpointing the root cause). I think I am a bit disappointed in myself that I am not further ahead in my vacation packing and the knocking off of tasks of my pre-vacation check list. I blame the gray dreary weather for some aspects (there are outdoor tasks that need to be done) but when the "rubber hits the road" it all comes down to "moderate" procrastination on my part and a failure to prioritize appropriately when faced with a multitude of tasks (watching Netflix last evening was probably not my best use of time) . I am now somewhat painted into the corner resulting in a full day of heads down commitment to get caught up. I will be interesting to see how the day shapes up!!

The Strengths Finder Manifesto

Last evening I pulled out the Strengths Finder Book and went through my categories-there were so "Ah Ha" moments for sure!!!

It got me thinking about how I define my place in the world from a perspective point of view. From reading the book passages I now understand that my "gifts/strengths" guide my world view. The "trump card" is empathy from a gained perspective position. When I read the passage all of a sudden the lights went on with respect to my interaction with people. My Individualization/Connectedness and Empathy all serve me well in the areas of human interaction. I have a well defined sense of empathy that has served me well all my life-I can read people very well. The interesting thing is my reluctance to involve myself with others by applying my strength of empathy to the interaction and potential development of a relationship. My struggle with "judgement" often enters the fray as I have tendency to "shutdown" potentials based on a predetermined position I often take. My awareness of this folly has been with me for years and I have to be very mindful to catch my tendencies which often cut me off from others....What is interesting to me is that I have a fascination with the human condition and if I could "dial down" my judgment I might make more meaningful connections based on my strengths...

The Color of My Personality: A Trip to the Car Dealership

For the past few months I have been contemplating replacing my slightly worn out Ford Ranger truck. In typical "Green" (Color of my Personality) fashion I have been doing my homework on the Internet and yesterday through my research I found a vehicle I was interested in viewing.

I called the salesman and had a "candid" talk with him on the phone about the condition of the truck. He said it was about a 6 out of 10 for the year and mileage. The asking price was within my range so I decided to check out the vehicle. He "reeled me in" so to speak....

When I arrived at the dealership I walked over to the vehicle and was impressed with the exterior condition. Unfortunately the previous owner was a smoker and even though they had detailed the interior there was still an odor (and left over ashes in the ashtray) to contend with. Checking underneath the vehicle I was not impressed with what I saw as the front axle boots were leaking and the chassis was less the stellar visually. My spider sense told me to walk away which I did.

I asked the salesman to show me another truck. It was a few years newer and much more expensive. My mind became flooded with analytical data (is it worth contemplating spending extra money to get a better truck? Do I really need a 4 X 4 etc etc etc) with a bucket full of judgment (about the salesman trying to bluff me) thrown in for good measure. I thanked the salesman for his time and left...

Strengths Finder

Yesterday I did my "Strengths Finder 2.0 survey and found my top 5 strengths:

Strategic

Individualization

Connectedness

Intellection

Empathy

No real surprises with the outcome as there is a strong correlation to previous exploration I have done.

I went through an interesting inner dialog at the local Chapters store around dishing out the $30 for the book so I could get access to the website survey. I finally convinced myself it was worthwhile by rationalizing the expenditure as being "business related" as as such can be written off against by contracting revenue. The deal was done and the inner voice quietened.

The survey illustrates some issues with my terms of engagement with my environment-particularly in respect to my interpersonal relationships with other "like minded" individuals. I am not certain as to the degree of self induced compromise I am looking at but it is an issue for sure and one that has become more apparent since I retired in 2008. I have built some pretty impressive walls around myself (in certain areas) that are keeping me a prisoner in a jail of my own making. A bit disconcerting to contemplate.

By focusing on my strengths I need to break down some of the walls and start nourishing myself....

Strengths

I had coffee with a friend last night and got into a topic of conversation around the book "Strengths Finder" by Tom Rath. The conversation revolved around the aspect of "knowing oneself" and that the process outlined in the book (including the on-line test) gives one a pretty clear indication of the top 5 strengths and how to capitalize on them. Skimming over the contents of the book I was impressed with the passages related to capitalizing on strengths verses focusing on weaknesses and trying to improve those. Makes perfect sense to me...

I am contemplating stepping out and buying the book. This flies in the face of my "no self help" book mantra but it might be interesting to go through the exercise to determine where I sit...I have been spending some time in the last few weeks determining what I want to do next once my work contract has expired in October? Time to capitalize on those strengths!!!

Reflection

I spent some time writing last night. I really felt the need to get some "feelings" expressed as I was experiencing some strong emotions over the weekend that I found unsettling on a number of levels. The exercise also provided me with an opportunity to stop the looping that was going on in my mind and to get me more grounded. My bicycle ride yesterday was also beneficial to get me out of my head for a short while...

I am also examining the whole notion of my "feeling" constrained/restrained. There is a lot more work required in this area-lots of reflection and exploration needed...a puzzle that needs solving for sure...

The Roof/Procrastination Factor.

Yesterday I wrote a cheque for the replacement of the shingles on our roof. It was a major expense but well worth the expenditure as it was a job that had to be done! The house has much more "curb appeal" and looks better maintained overall.

The job was a couple of years overdue and as such I was lucky n0 leaks developed. The roofer indicated we were very close to experiencing issues and the only reason there wasn't leaks and damage was the felt was still in good shape...

His disclosure got me thinking about why I postponed the job when I knew it needed to be done? It all came down to my reluctance to spend RRSP money to complete the work. In retrospect not a very logical position to take? My procrastination may have resulted in a larger outlay of cash if a leak had developed? I also sat on the fence last fall-looking at the damage and trying to determine if I could get another winter season out of the roof? There was some mindfulness in my determination to postpone but not really a rational decision on my part? I got away with it based on luck and circumstance...for this I am grateful.

Personality Testing

On Wednesday morning my work computer was knocked out by a server failure (for nearly 3 hours) so I ended up spending some time reading (among other things) Colorful Personalities by George Boelcke. The book was part of a library of self help books that are residing in my office from the previous occupant so I took it off the shelf and starting delving into determining my personality type.

I did the test and found out that I am a strong "green". After reading the traits I can see how the rating came about. A lot of what was stated was "spot on" with respect to my perception of traits I exhibit. An interesting insight and reinforcement of some of the inner work I have done in the past.

One particular passage talks about my need for solitude on a daily basis. Time out. I have understood this tendency for years and I suffer (emotionally) if I do not take the time to get away and be by myself-even if it is only for a few minutes.

The other area of interest was around individuals trying to sell me something? They say it is difficult to sell a green something and I can see why? After reading the passage I can see how my recent trip to a car dealership (to look at a Ford Ranger that interested me) ended so badly.

I had done my homework and was ready to determine if the vehicle presented good value. I arrived and the salesman came out of his office and approached me in the sales lot. He tried to set up a dialog with me but didn't really succeed. It was his behaviors that turned me off and after reading the book I understand why.

The insight I received was around my intolerance to having salespeople trying to bluff me. My salesman really feel into this category throughout the course of our failed negotiation. Nearly every aspect of our interaction had some degree of "bluff" involved and on an "gut level" I knew this was happening and it didn't sit right with me and as a result the deal fell through.

I am going to spend some more time with the book...

Creating Energy Through Dog Walking

My dog has an internal clock that tells her when it is 2:00 p.m. and time for a walk. She is very patient if I do not respond at exactly 2:00 p.m. but if I wait too long to take her she makes her "need" to walk abundantly clear to me through some non verbal "prompts" (she comes to where I am at the time and sits patiently looking a me until I respond). If she is really desperate she talks to me in a kind of dog speak of mini barks and moans. I usually walk her on the days I am not working so we spend some quality time together during the week.

Part of our walk routine is to head into the forest near my home. I find the activity of doing so very energizing. (on most days). Given I am doing this on a regular basis throughout all the seasons I get to know the forest fairly well. There are some big trees hidden off the regular path which I walk past and admire on every walk. I think it is very important for me to be in nature at least once a day...